The C word

1 in 3 of us get cancer within a lifetime.  There are 5 of us in my close knit immediate family.  The odds aren’t great when you look at it like that.  A few weeks back I discovered a small lump in my breast.  I went to the doctors who recommended I see another doctor, but said he thought it was nothing to worry about.  Before my next appointment I discovered another lump.  Hmm.  Next doctor also stated she thought it was probably nothing to worry about, but referred me to the emergency breast clinic to be sure.  So I’m now waiting until my appointment there, which is next Wednesday.  I’m not great at waiting.

The logical part of my brain (the one that acknowledges the statistics which I’ve read online which says 90% of abnormalities found in the breast are NOT cancer), tells me that it’s probably not life threatening, and I need to chillax.  Unfortunately, the emotional part of my brain is just running around in ever decreasing circles with a pair of pants over it’s head and most likely some pencils stuck in a handy orifice whilst yelling “Oh Shit” repeatedly.  I dread to think what will happen if it does turn out there is a serious problem(!)

I think the main issue is that I had already been spending a large proportion of my time thinking about what I’ve done with my life, what I’m doing with my life and what I want to do with my life, and this latest news has bought a sharp new edge to these ruminations.  The book I’m reading at the moment asks some pertinent questions which I found quite interesting to answer, so I’m going to paste them here for posterity.

What did you want to be when you grew up? Vet – sadly not clever enough to get all the A’s in the required science and maths subjects
What have you always wanted to do that you haven’t done yet?
Be debt free and then FI.  Be fairly self sufficient.
What have you done in your life which you are really proud of?
Bought up the children well
Worked in the child protection unit for the police.
Ran a marathon
Become more eco-aware and started taking responsibility of my actions
If you knew you were going to die within a year, how would you spend that time?
As much as possible with my family
Might try to do some more eco stuff, but family first
What brings you most fulfilment, and how is that related to money?
Spending time with the kids – no relation to money
Spending time with Andy – no relation to money
Riding – fantastic stress buster – bloody expensive
If you didn’t work for a living, how would you spend your time?
Spending proper time with the kids
Spending more time with Mr EN
Keeping the house
Keeping the garden – growing our own food.
Preparing really nice food for the family
Being more self sustainable – making and fixing stuff for our lives myself
Maybe horse stuff
Maybe setting up a local community business to encourage more people to buy locally

So, the answers to those questions tell me quite clearly that my priorities are :

  1. Family
  2. FI
  3. The Environment, and keeping it safe for our future generations.

2 and 3 are in my mind, on an even par.

The problem is, I find it almost impossible to stay sane, AND make life work around those priorities, in that order and still hold down a challenging job in IT within an industry which is sinking and making redundancies faster that Donald Trump can make offensive political gaffes generally so ridiculous they are verging on the farcical….

trump

Anyway, I digress.  On the same kind of vein (keeping family, FI and the environment as priorities), and in a bid to keep my youngest daughter sugar free, and still allow her to eat nice things at lunch, as usual on a Sunday night I baked a cake/treat for her and I to consume with our lunch throughout the week.  I baked chocolate zucchini bread, the recipe for which can be found here.  I was so pleased as I had organic cacao powder, and lovely fresh courgettes from my local farm shop.  I did make one change, and subbed the agarve syrup (full of fructose) with brown rice malt syrup.  This may be the reason why, when I took it out of the oven and let it cool, I could have knocked out an unsuspecting intruder with it!  It’s dry as a bone and rock solid 😦   I can’t believe the different syrup had that much of an effect, I just hope my little girl has plenty of water with her today to wash it down with :O  Back to the drawing board tonight methinks!

 

 

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